Wills and Fates

Our wills and fates do so contrary run

That our devices still are overthrown;

Our thoughts are ours, their ends none of our own.

-       William Shakespeare

So things never turn out as we imagine or wish.

When I was 18, I wanted to be a psychologist. When I was 20, I learned what a psychologist could and could not do and what they did and did not know. Then I had to figure out what else I could do with a psychology degree.

The first thing I found that I could do with a psychology degree was to work as a sales clerk at a Motherhood maternity shop.

The next thirty years brought more experiments in what I could and could not do. What I was good at (writing) was not lucrative. What I was competent at (analytical thinking and grammar) was valuable but not fulfilling (“fulfilling” = crap word that means fun). What I found fun (art) I was not yet particularly competent at. So I quit trying for a rewarding career and settled on a fun one.

So I don’t have a life’s work. Just a house hung with art in varying degrees of competency and a website I saddled with a ridiculous name.

What should I have done differently? It doesn’t matter. All that matters is the time ahead of me. And I want nothing more than to paint.

Here’s a picture of a forest fire.

Too Late . Oil on canvas, 20" x 16"

Too Late. Oil on canvas, 20" x 16"