My Right Boob - A Body Part Story in Parts. Part 6

Dr. Male Becomes Dr. Cruise

You know that kind of surgeon that is somehow like 90% talent and 90% ego? The kind that you totally want to be doing your surgery but maybe don’t want to invite to join your bowling league? That’s our Dr. Male. And I hate pigeonholing him by gender stereotypes, but (a) I didn’t think about that before fictionally naming my last plastic surgeon “Dr. Female,” and (b) Dr. Female was so caring and willing to explain things and Dr. Male may be caring but doesn’t show it, or also may have just scheduled emotions for a two-week window in August.

Dr. Male wants me to tell him how much research I have done. He wants me to tell him if I know the degree of difficulty in this procedure and if I am prepared for the recovery period. He wants me to know that this surgery involves removing not only the fat but that fat’s blood supply from my belly and reattaching the blood supply to the vessels in my chest via microsurgery. He wants to see what he’s working with, to make sure I have enough belly fat to spare (apparently, at my weight I’m on the bottom of the bell curve). Also, he wants me to know that lately he has been doing less of these procedures because they are so time intensive and he is so busy, but that he will make an exception for me, but ONLY if I’m super-duper sure that this is what I super-duper want.

My hair may have blown back a little from the pure adrenalized yet focused Tom Cruise-level energy coming off him. If we could bottle this, we could put Red Bull out of business. A big NO for the book club, but a big YES for my surgeon. If he is willing to do this last belly-to-boob miracle, I will sign up. Especially if this is the last doctor I have to stand in front of while naked to the waist.

Dr. Cruise requires two office visits before he will book a patient for surgery. This must be a pretty standard rule for plastic surgery since buyer’s remorse is a tough thing to wear on your face. Or body. Forever. I book my second visit for next Wednesday. If I pass that one, my doctors will finally consent to synchronize their calendars and get me a surgery date.

Next Monday I meet with my oncologist to talk DNA. Stay tuned.